Filing for disability for mental health read this first

 So I have given this a lot of thought. What should be said, what should be left out, should I say anything at all? There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health so by stepping out of my shadows and revealing myself, my whole self and my various diagnosis I could be encouraging the torch bearers to persecute me. Give rise to the ability to brush me off as crazy and silence my own voice in the process. For the sake of others out there I choose to speak.

  I am Bipolar type 1 with psychotic tendencies. I have borderline personality disorder. I have PTSD. I suffer from severe anxiety disorder. I am also a wife and a mother of two amazing children. I survive with a very delicate balance of medications and isolation from the world. In fact the last few weeks are the first time I have communicated with the outside world in three years. I leave the house but only get out of the car once a month when I have to do grocery shopping. I have no friends that I actually see in real life.
   With all the medications I still have symptoms on a regular basis, but it is either suffer the symptoms or increase the medications. Chemical chains that steal your personality and numb you to life. I can't do that to myself again. I went unmedicated for years mainly due to lack of insurance. I spent the majority of it swinging on a pendulum. The last time it swung to such an extreme I ended up suffering my longest bout of psychosis ever. 7 months of a nightmare existence locked in my head suffering from total paranoia I pretty much spoke only when spoken too. I was convinced the love of my life didn't love me and that I had entrapped him in our marriage. He is my best friend and I was totally devastated to think he didn't love me. I was convinced I was going to be murdered the PTSD was torturing me. I was so bad I had two therapist quit me my guess is because I was a liability and my husband refused to commit me. As I was coming out of it, it was even worse because I would swing from one reality to the next with no warning. It took me three months to get into see a psychiatrist. Before that I was going from emergency clinics to hospitals trying to get something for my anxiety. It was so bad just the space in my house was too much to bare I would crawl under a blanket and hide and cry uncontrollably until it passed. There were days I would just lay in bed and stare at the wall for days just letting the thoughts flow through not latching on to anyone thing because thoughts were dangerous, or thinking nothing at all consciously. I couldn't sleep every time I ate I got sick. I couldn't think I was just numb. After seeing my psychatrist I was put on a handful of meds. Large doses of antidepressants moderate doses of antipsychotics two anti anxieties and a recommendation of melatonin to help me sleep. I would be ok for a month then I would start to slide back the doses were not high enough so I would call my psychiatrist explain what was going on and my doses would be upped. Final cocktail 2x 150 mg Effexor XR 1 in the morning 1 in the afternoon. I was on Risperadone now I'm on Abilify 5mg 2 mg Colonopin (not enough) and buspar 3 x a day 15mg each. 20mg melatonin. Still I have symptoms. My GAF score is severe to moderate supporting my psychatrist claims of severe to moderate issues and at my husbands suggestion I filed for disability. I finally got to the Administrative Law Judge I felt horribly pressured and I wanted to crawl out of my skin from anxiety. Finally I got the determination back denied. These are the things held against me.
I can string words together in a sentence.
I'm not rail thin suggesting by my weight I'm not depressed. Risperadone makes you hungry I gained 60 pounds on it.
I was originally diagnosed when I was 19 so the judge thinks it's suspicious I waited 16 yrs to file.
I worked for three months here and three months there. (I was manic) literally 9 mo total in 15 yrs.
My husbands testimony was totally thrown out because he is my husband.
My psychatrist written assessment was also ignored even though it correlated with the GAF. The DSVM 5 no longer recognizes the GAF so it can't be used even though it was referred to.
I have a license. This must mean I can focus. I quit driving when I almost flattened a mailbox because I got distracted by the sunset and the colors in the sky. I keep my license for emergencies. I haven't driven in over three years.
The fact that I went unmedicated for several years was also held against me. I couldn't afford to be seen and I had no ins. This didn't matter.

So for those who are filing be aware there is really nothing they won't use against you.
I still have suicidal ideation I still want to cut I still get bottom of the barrel depressed and wildly manic. I have psychotic ideation as well I'm learning how to control that by distraction of thought when I recognize the paranoia setting in. I still have nightmares so bad I self mutilate my face and shoulders in my sleep no matter how short my nails are. Now I have a pain issue. I'm not sure how much this life expects me to bare but then I wouldn't have this cautionary tail.

The real opioid epidemic explained.

       
Petition List:
This petition Is for you or someone you know as been denied medical care, have been involuntarily tapered, or stopped cold-turkey from your pain management protocols.
This petition Is for anyone to sign who disagrees with the new CDC guidelines on pain management protocols.We have 30 days to gather 100k signatures.
CDC guidelines for Chronic Pain


     In 2015  there were 33,091 Overdose deaths
     In 2015 there were 20,101 overdose deaths from prescription pain relievers
                  there were 12,990 overdose deaths related to heroin.
     In 2016 Approx.    64,000 Overdose deaths
     In 2016 Approx.    42,249 overdose deaths according to the CDC
     In 2016 Fentanyl and its cousins caused approx. 19,000 deaths
     In 2016 Heroin caused 15,500
     In 2016 Prescription opioids caused 14,500 overdoses

    The CDC admits in some back page of their website that they are well aware that the issue is not a prescribing issue, but an illicit one. A deadly brew of illicit fentanyl pressed into pills, sold as Heroin, or mixed with Heroin and it is killing people at a much faster rate than prescription opiates.
They are even kind enough to state that most of the fentanyl related deaths are not pharmaceutical fentanyl but the illicit fentanyl made in China. Sometimes shipped to Mexico and then it comes over the southern border with the Heroin.
Fentanyl data
 
   The CDC really likes to play mind games because on their Synthetic opioid data they again include illicit fentanyl. Saying that it is actually driving the numbers higher in the synthetic opioid category. A synthetic opioid is anything made in a lab and not just the ones from Big Pharma but the illegal underground markets were illicit drugs are made.
Synthetic opioid data

    Then there is Heroin were according to them 4 out of 5 users claim they started with prescription opioids sounds like a big number right. The CDC will also tell you that "As many as 1 in 4 people using opiates for chronic pain management will become addicted." That "As many as" really means not always will that one become addicted at all actually.
Heroin

   Prescription overdose data for 2016 is interesting to look at now that you know the numbers are stacked. But wait there is more.

• If you die from a car accident and have an opiate in your system and a benzo your death will fall under and be listed with all three categories. Even though the car accident killed you.
• If you hang yourself and you have an opiate in your system it counts as both
• If you die and had drugs that they cant identify due to degradation it gets counted as an opiate.

   So now where are the numbers?

   They don't report on the suicides due to pain, but the US suicide rate has been steadily growing since they have scaled back prescription practices for Chronic pain suffers and we are currently at a 30 year high.

   Why does the CDC all of a sudden have this power you ask? This is the FDAs job you say. Nope, Not really, Not anymore. Since Obama issued a Memorandum on Oct 21,2015 in it says "  To the extent feasible, training adopted by agencies should be consistent with consensus guidelines on pain medication prescribing developed by the CDC."
Memorandum

And those are the true numbers of the opiate crisis and why it has nothing to do with legal prescription's.
Oh and one more thing the top three drugs that people ODd on at as follows:

• Methadone which is used as an addiction treatment
• Oxycodone
• Hydrocodone

46 people die from drug overdose a day.
123 people commit suicide everyday